missing loved ones

I really miss my family :( Today is mother's day, and I know my family down in NC is going out for lunch this afternoon and I'm sitting all alone in my house writing this blog - right after I got back from church where there were a lot of families ....after church I heard several making dinner plans. It makes me think of all those today and many other days who also miss their loved ones....maybe because they are no longer here on this earth, or they live far away...maybe there are broken relationships. The family is such a central part of life, and it really stinks to live so far away from them. I don't know for sure that I see myself living in NC, either....which is part of why I wish I could just turn back time! I miss the time when my whole family used to live in one area. I hate going to the lake and having to make it a day trip because I don't have a place to sleep in my own hometown. I hate being alone all the time. The Lord has blessed me with a fun job with lots of great people I like, as well as many good friends. But somehow it still seems as though I come home to an empty house all the time and have learned that I am my own companion.
I feel like I'm always waiting......for what, I don't know. Waiting to move, waiting to meet someone, waiting to get my masters......just waiting. I feel like the past year and a half my life has been one big pause. I feel like I'm looking at a big huge mountain right in front of me, and until I climb it everything is on hold, but I don't know HOW to climb the mountain or even who to ask for help. I also have a sneaky suspicion that on the other side of the mountain is another one.... pessimistic, I know. It just seems like life is moving on for everyone around me, but I'm in this spot where nothing is happening. I like my job, but it's not what I want to do forever. I need to continue working on my masters, but I lack the motivation despite the fact I know I need it for what I want to do, I would like to get married someday and have children, but as I type that the thought of giving up independence is scary and I'm just not sure I'd ever meet someone that really understood me anyways.
I don't know what is going on with me. I just know I miss feeling loved and important, ....and although I know God loves me and finds me important - and I know "that should be enough," right now I'm just not feeling it. I just feel sad all the time.
I dunno ..... I am trying to keep all of life in perspective. I have so much to be grateful for. I have a good family who I know loves me and wishes I could be with them right now. I have many friends, even though most do not live here .....I know that they are out there in the world and that they love me too. I don't know why God is allowing me to struggle with this so much lately. I used to love going out all the time and being around people - but lately I find myself just wanting to be home, and it's mostly because I have been so sad lately that I'm afraid if I hang around others my sadness will dampen their day, so it's better to just stay at home. I'm trying to persevere and praise God even during this time, because maybe that's the whole point. It's easy to praise God when life is roses, but praising Him when the feelings aren't there is pleasing to Him. Jesus felt alone many times, and I know He can relate right now. But I feel like I have put up a wall between myself and Him.....which is one of the mountains I don't know how to climb. It just all seems hopeless.
But God has given me this breath, this life, for a reason. I intend to keep on keeping on, and count my blessings even though that doesn't seem so easy right now. I also want to think about other's pain and help them through their sadness - that is often the cure for your own.