Okay, so maybe that's not exactly how I feel. But it got your attention right?
:)
One thing I always struggle with is why God allows certain things to happen. I think we all do. I think of godly people who pass away "too early," people who have cancer, broken homes, fires destroying a chuch building, etc. ... I know in my own life I look at some of my trials and I think "oh ... God allowed me through that so I can be a better counselor and understand more things...relate to more people" Sometimes that is the only reason I can come up with to "justify" some of what life has dished out. But then I think ... couldn't God just make it so no one had to go through "bad things" - then I wouldn't have to relate to anyone. Basically, what's the point behind all this hard life stuff? Follow me?
Anyways, tonight I was reading Hebrews 11, the "faith chapter." I have some big decisions to make tomorrow, so I decided to take my Bible and pen and paper and make a list of all the things that were accomplished by faith (I REALLY need faith right now!) Wow....I came up with quite a list. If you have a Bible and look at verse 4 and following, you will find a list of all these amazing accomplishments. I'll list some of them. But first, keep in mind this isn't anywhere near all the things God has done. I often wonder what happened that was never recorded in the Bible? Cool to think about. Please don't rush through the list - think about the impact each event made in our history.
Enoch never died; Noah built the ark and basically saved the human race and all the animals; Abraham went to the Promised Land, then later offered his own son as a sacrifice, believing God would somehow save his son; Sara had kids; Moses feared God more than man; people passed through the Red Sea on DRY LAND (my favorite); Jerhico's walls fell down; people were raised to life; kingdom's were subdued, lions' mouths were closed .... this list seems unending. Wow! God really rewards those who have faith!!! Right ..... ???
But wait...
Then I kept reading. uhmmm.... God?
In the middle of verse 35, the tone changed. Now, those who have faith are tried, mocked, scourged, imprisoned, stoned, "sawn asunder" (anyone know what that means? please enlighten me!! :) tempted, killed, afflicted, and tormented. That's just to name a few. Doesn't that seem backwards? They had faith - and this is what happens to them? Kind of like what I said earlier - cancer takes a loved one, a family falls apart. How is this a reward for faith?
But wow ... God speaks of those people, the people who endure enormous trial, and say, "Of whom the world was not worthy..." It's like those people are special treasures. A step above the rest. It also says that they "obtained a good report through faith." You see, when we can trust God and have faith when He chooses to take home a loved one that we have endlessly prayed for - THAT is faith. It may make no sense to us. It may feel like the opposite of all that is fair, just, and earned through prayer. But the truth is, when you can have faith in those difficult situations - you obtain a good report. You obtain a reward so special that God is going to wait to give it to you so He can give it to you personally in Heaven. God sees so much faith potential in you, and knows the only way to bring it out is trial.
It's wonderful to see faith panned out - when you pray that the Lord would heal your relative's cancer, and He does. But when you pray, and God doesn't heal your relative - it's so easy to get mad and blame God. Wonder why He has helped others but doesn't seem to be helping you. But God is in control. And remembering that even when all seems wrong, that is a special faith.
I am no expert on trials. I'm no expert on God. He is far too big, far too great, and far too infinitely wise for me to even begin to understand why He does what He does. I cant understand or relate to every circumstance, and I certainly can't reason why He allows certain things to happen. All I know is that He says all things work together for good to those that love Him.
I can say that God taught me tonight that when we have faith when a situation seems senseless and confusing, God sees that. God rewards that. It is the empitome of humbleness on our part - to say that God knows better how to control my life than I do.
When trials come, I find it easy to either run FROM God or run TO God. I fervently pray that I will always run TO God. He is so worthy of our trust. Let's learn to give it!
9/21/06
March 23, 2008
Freezing required....
I was listening to a weather report today and they were talking about our unusually warm weather ... they mentioned a concern for certain flowers common to the area - unless they freeze in the winter, they won't flourish in the summer.
It's funny how God made nature so reflective of our lives. Have you ever noticed how in order to grow, we have to go through the hard times? If you want muscles, you have to strength train ... right now at work I'm having to develop a lot of new skills to be successful - I need to be more assertive, listen better, be able to tell people what they need to hear sometimes in a very blunt way ... it's a challenge right now to work on those things - but these challenging and "frozen" times are what's going to help me grow into a better person.
How true in our spiritual lives. Sometimes God has to allow us to go through dark trials to help us flourish. If life was easy, we'd likely depend on ourselves and not Him. We all need to be "frozen" every now and then. Push through, and grow!
1/4/07
It's funny how God made nature so reflective of our lives. Have you ever noticed how in order to grow, we have to go through the hard times? If you want muscles, you have to strength train ... right now at work I'm having to develop a lot of new skills to be successful - I need to be more assertive, listen better, be able to tell people what they need to hear sometimes in a very blunt way ... it's a challenge right now to work on those things - but these challenging and "frozen" times are what's going to help me grow into a better person.
How true in our spiritual lives. Sometimes God has to allow us to go through dark trials to help us flourish. If life was easy, we'd likely depend on ourselves and not Him. We all need to be "frozen" every now and then. Push through, and grow!
1/4/07
humbling...
I got this letter in a forward email...I dont usually read those, but this one really got my attention. Very humbling.
Dear Friend:How are you? I just had to send you this letter to tell you how much I love and care about you. I saw you yesterday as you were walking with your friends. I waited all day, hoping you would talk to Me also.As evening drew near, I gave you a sunset to close your day and a coolbreeze to rest you, and I waited. You never came. Oh yes, it hurt Me, but I still love you because I am your friend.I saw you fall asleep last night, and I longed to touch your brow, so Ispilled moonlight upon your pillow and face. Again I waited, wanting to rush down so we could talk. I have so many gifts for you. You awakened late and rushed off for the day... My tears were in the rain. Today you looked so sad, so alone. It makes my heart ache because I understand. My friends let Me down and hurt Me many times too, but I loveyou. I try to tell you in the quiet green grass; I shout it to you in the colors of the flowers. I shout it to you in the mountain streams, and give the birds love songs to sing. I clothe you with warm sunshine and perfume the air.
My love for you is deeper than oceans and bigger than the biggest want or need you have. I know how hard it is on earth, I really know (because I was there), and I want to help you. My Father wants to help you too. He's that way, you know. Just call Me, ask Me, talk to Me. It is your decision. I have chosen you, and because of this I will wait... Because I love you.Your friend, Jesus
What people think about Christians
've just been thinking about this for a few days ... sometimes I dont like the way Christians get categorized. At times, it seems to be based on all the wrong things. It gets all mixed up and backwards.
Someone asked me the other day if I was a "churchy" girl ... church is not what my faith is about. It's about having a relationship with God. Church is something goes along with that, but it doesn't define my faith. Christianity is not a set of rules or a list of good deeds. It's simply a relationship with God. It's realizing who He is, and in response to that, THAT is why I go to church and do what I do ....not the other way around. Don't get the cart before the horse... Doing good things or going to church does not make someone a Christian. A personal relationship with God is what makes someone a Christian.
God made the awesome stars in the sky, the colors of the sunset, the beach that I love so much, ...He made each of us in His own unique design. Sometimes we get so caught up in the rat race of life that we forget to stop and think about where we came from and what God has done for us - God put us on this earth for a purpose. And as if all that wasn't enough, He sent His Son to die for us so we could spend eternity with Him in Heaven. Wow... that's what my faith is about. I'm not at all a "perfect Christian" ...I am so very far from it. But realizing how far I am from perfect just makes me more in awe of God's unconditional love.
Yes, going to church is part of my relationship with God - it's where I go to fellowship with other Christians and to learn more about Him. Christianity isn't something that should be an act performed on Sunday mornings from 9-11am. While I suppose being seen as a "churchy" girl isn't a bad thing, I hope people see beyond that and see what it's really all about and stop getting it turned around all backwards.
Someone asked me the other day if I was a "churchy" girl ... church is not what my faith is about. It's about having a relationship with God. Church is something goes along with that, but it doesn't define my faith. Christianity is not a set of rules or a list of good deeds. It's simply a relationship with God. It's realizing who He is, and in response to that, THAT is why I go to church and do what I do ....not the other way around. Don't get the cart before the horse... Doing good things or going to church does not make someone a Christian. A personal relationship with God is what makes someone a Christian.
God made the awesome stars in the sky, the colors of the sunset, the beach that I love so much, ...He made each of us in His own unique design. Sometimes we get so caught up in the rat race of life that we forget to stop and think about where we came from and what God has done for us - God put us on this earth for a purpose. And as if all that wasn't enough, He sent His Son to die for us so we could spend eternity with Him in Heaven. Wow... that's what my faith is about. I'm not at all a "perfect Christian" ...I am so very far from it. But realizing how far I am from perfect just makes me more in awe of God's unconditional love.
Yes, going to church is part of my relationship with God - it's where I go to fellowship with other Christians and to learn more about Him. Christianity isn't something that should be an act performed on Sunday mornings from 9-11am. While I suppose being seen as a "churchy" girl isn't a bad thing, I hope people see beyond that and see what it's really all about and stop getting it turned around all backwards.
Waiting to reach my goals
It's so hard to wait. I'm definitely not an expert on patience. However, I AM an expert on IMPATIENCE ...I could probably teach a class on it.
I do enjoy my new job .... I am SO thankful the Lord provided such a great job for me. It is in the "counseling" realm I guess you could say. I'm working as an enrollment counselor for a college ... in that, I do find out all about people's lives and it's so great to see them go back to school. It will make such a big difference in their lives! The thing is, I keep thinking how much BETTER it would be to tell them about the Lord instead of telling them about how a degree would change their life. The degree will only help their life on earth ... not what comes after. However, I do know beyond any shadow of a doubt that God put me there and I believe that He will help me find ways to use it as a ministry tool.
I'm just so ready to be done with school and working as a "real" counselor. The sad thing is, I haven't even started my first class - lol. I have the stuff I need, I just need the time to get going. With my new job I usually dont get home until 7ish and it is very demanding. I miss the days of working with kids ... I love seeing a little kid learn something new, especially when it's something about God and their face lights up. I love telling a fatherless child that God is their Father - far better than an earthly father could ever be. I miss having little kids give me pictures and I have to hold my breath and pray I correctly guess what the picture is so I don't hurt their feelings. I miss having them ask me to write out "I love you" so they could copy it into their homemade cards. I love having a high school student come to me with a problem or concern and talking it through. Or sitting around with a bunch of middle school girls talking about guys and dating and all that good stuff. I really miss living and working at camp during this time of year - I loved the fall retreats when we'd be all bundled up, drinking hot chocolate and sharing testimonies around a HUGE campfire (I LOVE campfires). You could always smell fall in the air and it was great hearing the leaves crunch under your feet while walking to the tabernacle. I miss being a leader/counselor in the dorm and visiting 40+ girls each night just to see how their day was. I loved it when one of them had a concern and we could pray about it. I also loved just laughing and hearing how their day went.
I want to make such a difference in this world. I want to see lives change. Not because I'm so great - because I'm not. But because of the message of Christ. Man .... thinking about all that has to be done before I have my counseling degree and licensing - it's overwhelming. I know it's what I have to do, but I wish it could be done right now.
Please don't misunderstand - I LOVE the job the Lord has provided!!! Without it, I could never afford to put myself through school. But I think not being able to speak as openly about my faith makes me realize how important it is to me. For the most part, I have always had ministry-type jobs where sharing the gospel was actually part of what I was expected to do. Now, to know what people need and not be able to just out and tell them - that's tough. It brings a sense of urgency. It's like seeing that someone is about to be injured but not being able to do anything about it .... it's a frustrating feeling. But my prayer is that people will ask me ... then I can share. I want people to see something different in me. I want them to wonder what it is and want it. I hope I can portray myself in that way. I dont know how. My prayer is that every day God will be my partner at work. We're in business together - I'll do my job, and He can bring people to me that will ask about my faith. I figure that He so obviously placed me there, so He must have a plan. We're a team and it will be neat to see what will happen.
At any rate, I know I need to be patient and stop thinking about what I can finally do when I have my degree, but start realizing the opportunities that God has laid at my feet and entrusted me with. I definitely don't want to wish my life away and miss what is right before me.
If you're still reading (are you?), please pray that I'll have wisdom. I think part of my frustration is because I have had several opportunities come to me lately and I don't know what to do. I have been asked to counsel in the jail as well as work with a group of "troubled" teens. Thing is, I want to do both - and more. But with working until 6 or 7 during the week, going to grad school, and just the normal responsibilities that come with living on your own .... I don't know what I have time for. I think that's why I just want to be done. If i didn't have school, I know I could dedicate time to those things. In fact, it would be my job. I need prayer that I'll have wisdom - wisdom in which ministries to choose and also wisdom in whether or not I should do any at all - I dont want to burn myself out.
Well, if you made it this far, I do appreciate it. Writing is definitely an outlet I have recently discovered I really enjoy. It helps clear my head, sort things out, and in the meantime I hope it can help you in some way.
11/10/06
I do enjoy my new job .... I am SO thankful the Lord provided such a great job for me. It is in the "counseling" realm I guess you could say. I'm working as an enrollment counselor for a college ... in that, I do find out all about people's lives and it's so great to see them go back to school. It will make such a big difference in their lives! The thing is, I keep thinking how much BETTER it would be to tell them about the Lord instead of telling them about how a degree would change their life. The degree will only help their life on earth ... not what comes after. However, I do know beyond any shadow of a doubt that God put me there and I believe that He will help me find ways to use it as a ministry tool.
I'm just so ready to be done with school and working as a "real" counselor. The sad thing is, I haven't even started my first class - lol. I have the stuff I need, I just need the time to get going. With my new job I usually dont get home until 7ish and it is very demanding. I miss the days of working with kids ... I love seeing a little kid learn something new, especially when it's something about God and their face lights up. I love telling a fatherless child that God is their Father - far better than an earthly father could ever be. I miss having little kids give me pictures and I have to hold my breath and pray I correctly guess what the picture is so I don't hurt their feelings. I miss having them ask me to write out "I love you" so they could copy it into their homemade cards. I love having a high school student come to me with a problem or concern and talking it through. Or sitting around with a bunch of middle school girls talking about guys and dating and all that good stuff. I really miss living and working at camp during this time of year - I loved the fall retreats when we'd be all bundled up, drinking hot chocolate and sharing testimonies around a HUGE campfire (I LOVE campfires). You could always smell fall in the air and it was great hearing the leaves crunch under your feet while walking to the tabernacle. I miss being a leader/counselor in the dorm and visiting 40+ girls each night just to see how their day was. I loved it when one of them had a concern and we could pray about it. I also loved just laughing and hearing how their day went.
I want to make such a difference in this world. I want to see lives change. Not because I'm so great - because I'm not. But because of the message of Christ. Man .... thinking about all that has to be done before I have my counseling degree and licensing - it's overwhelming. I know it's what I have to do, but I wish it could be done right now.
Please don't misunderstand - I LOVE the job the Lord has provided!!! Without it, I could never afford to put myself through school. But I think not being able to speak as openly about my faith makes me realize how important it is to me. For the most part, I have always had ministry-type jobs where sharing the gospel was actually part of what I was expected to do. Now, to know what people need and not be able to just out and tell them - that's tough. It brings a sense of urgency. It's like seeing that someone is about to be injured but not being able to do anything about it .... it's a frustrating feeling. But my prayer is that people will ask me ... then I can share. I want people to see something different in me. I want them to wonder what it is and want it. I hope I can portray myself in that way. I dont know how. My prayer is that every day God will be my partner at work. We're in business together - I'll do my job, and He can bring people to me that will ask about my faith. I figure that He so obviously placed me there, so He must have a plan. We're a team and it will be neat to see what will happen.
At any rate, I know I need to be patient and stop thinking about what I can finally do when I have my degree, but start realizing the opportunities that God has laid at my feet and entrusted me with. I definitely don't want to wish my life away and miss what is right before me.
If you're still reading (are you?), please pray that I'll have wisdom. I think part of my frustration is because I have had several opportunities come to me lately and I don't know what to do. I have been asked to counsel in the jail as well as work with a group of "troubled" teens. Thing is, I want to do both - and more. But with working until 6 or 7 during the week, going to grad school, and just the normal responsibilities that come with living on your own .... I don't know what I have time for. I think that's why I just want to be done. If i didn't have school, I know I could dedicate time to those things. In fact, it would be my job. I need prayer that I'll have wisdom - wisdom in which ministries to choose and also wisdom in whether or not I should do any at all - I dont want to burn myself out.
Well, if you made it this far, I do appreciate it. Writing is definitely an outlet I have recently discovered I really enjoy. It helps clear my head, sort things out, and in the meantime I hope it can help you in some way.
11/10/06
my to do list
I was thinking today about how short life is ... not really thinking about death, but thinking about how much I want to do and see before my life is over. I find that I often say, "Someday I will accomplish _________." I have recently realized that that list has become incredibly long ... why not start now? I think I allow myself to get into routine thinking ... go to work, pay bills, hang out with friends, go to church, visit family, etc. All of that is fine and good, but I don't want to be routine. I want to be extraordinary. I want to think outside the box. I want to stop putting things "on hold" until such-and-such happens, and just do it now!
I want to become a counselor and social worker, public speaker, learn how to fly a small plane, write a book, go to Seattle, drive to CA and back with a group of friends, go camping, lay in the middle of a wide open flat space so I can see the amazing sky and stars that God created and be amazed, learn how to play the bongo drums, master the musical saw and guitar, go see where my family used to live in Germany, take an emergency medical class so I know what to do if I witness an accident or see someone injured, go scuba diving, go back to the river with old friends, speak at the women's mission, change someone's life and make an eternal difference, have a boat so I can go sailing whenever I want, learn how to build a house and fix things, play the keyboard and sing in a group, take voice lessons, .... I want to reconnect with old friends and keep up with what is going on in the lives of my former high school students. Life is so short to sit around and do nothing.
God put me on this earth to do something ... I'm not just here to take up space and be a bum. I want to take life by the reigns and live it. I want to let my friends and family know that I love them. I want to see people get saved so they can go to Heaven.
Dare to be different!
10/16/06
I want to become a counselor and social worker, public speaker, learn how to fly a small plane, write a book, go to Seattle, drive to CA and back with a group of friends, go camping, lay in the middle of a wide open flat space so I can see the amazing sky and stars that God created and be amazed, learn how to play the bongo drums, master the musical saw and guitar, go see where my family used to live in Germany, take an emergency medical class so I know what to do if I witness an accident or see someone injured, go scuba diving, go back to the river with old friends, speak at the women's mission, change someone's life and make an eternal difference, have a boat so I can go sailing whenever I want, learn how to build a house and fix things, play the keyboard and sing in a group, take voice lessons, .... I want to reconnect with old friends and keep up with what is going on in the lives of my former high school students. Life is so short to sit around and do nothing.
God put me on this earth to do something ... I'm not just here to take up space and be a bum. I want to take life by the reigns and live it. I want to let my friends and family know that I love them. I want to see people get saved so they can go to Heaven.
Dare to be different!
10/16/06
A Mediocre Inheritance
Are you living above the level of mediocrity? I know I'm not...at least not most of the time. You know, we concern ourselves so much with financial stability - which is a good thing! It is good to have enough money to cover the bills and enjoy the pleasures of life. BUT...so often we put that at the forefront of our minds, and totally forget about building an eternally worthwhile inheritance. The only thing that truly matters in this life is what we do for Christ. How often do we go about our lives just living. Just doing the daily routine, ...but we aren't really doing anything at all.
Maybe some of us lead exciting lives, full of skydiving and hiking excursions - traveling the world. How wonderful! But in the midst of that, are we doing something that matters...eternally? As I sit here thinking about my daily routine...it basically consists of waking up at the last possible minute, going to work, coming home, paying bills or going grocery shopping, fixing something that is breaking around the house ...maybe a trip to Barnes to read a book or just a drive to the country (since I miss it so much). All of those things are fine things, normal life things. But none of those things in and of themselves matter.
But man...imagine if I quit being mediocre and starting witnessing at work. Or instead of paying bills, watching TV and calling it a night - what if I wrote a note to one of shut-ins of our church, or visited a nursing home, or spent more time reading God's Word. Maybe during my lunch break and I can write a note to a discouraged member of the church or a coworker. Those are the things that I can add to my daily routine to make it worthwhile.
I'm currently reading the book "When God Writes You LIFE Story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy (no, not LOVE story...their other book). I'm only on the second chapter, but already feel rebuked for my outlook on life. When we are kids, we dream of all these big things we want to do someday - but now that "someday" is here we settle for the average, the mundane. What about getting up and doing something great for our God? We can't depend on what people before us have done...what will YOU do to affect the next generation? Maybe YOU are the person who is supposed to write the next devotional book or inspiring short story. Maybe YOU are the person who is supposed to go on the mission field and reach the millions who don't even have a town church or have never seen a Bible. Maybe YOU are supposed to start teaching that sunday school class or sing in the choir. Maybe YOU are the one who is supposed to reach out to that teen and start discipling them. Maybe by doing some random act of kindness for someone, that will open the door to witness. Why not go rake your neighbor's yard? Sure, it's probably not on your top 10... but what if your neighbor realizes the sacrifice you made in doing that and now has a listening ear for the gospel? They may try to pay you - refuse, and talk about the GIFT of salvation that is so much greater than the gift of a clean yard. What is the inheritance that YOU are leaving behind? What about witnessing to the child you will pass by today? One thing that amazes me about children is that they believe just about anything you tell them. I rarely have witnessed to a child that they did not get saved. So give it a shot! Add to the kingdom of Heaven!
Does your life really matter? I know mine doesn't, not like it should. Oh, that we can start having an eternal viewpoint! If we only realized how short our life is here on earth! Don't waste it! Do something that matters!
8/28/06
Maybe some of us lead exciting lives, full of skydiving and hiking excursions - traveling the world. How wonderful! But in the midst of that, are we doing something that matters...eternally? As I sit here thinking about my daily routine...it basically consists of waking up at the last possible minute, going to work, coming home, paying bills or going grocery shopping, fixing something that is breaking around the house ...maybe a trip to Barnes to read a book or just a drive to the country (since I miss it so much). All of those things are fine things, normal life things. But none of those things in and of themselves matter.
But man...imagine if I quit being mediocre and starting witnessing at work. Or instead of paying bills, watching TV and calling it a night - what if I wrote a note to one of shut-ins of our church, or visited a nursing home, or spent more time reading God's Word. Maybe during my lunch break and I can write a note to a discouraged member of the church or a coworker. Those are the things that I can add to my daily routine to make it worthwhile.
I'm currently reading the book "When God Writes You LIFE Story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy (no, not LOVE story...their other book). I'm only on the second chapter, but already feel rebuked for my outlook on life. When we are kids, we dream of all these big things we want to do someday - but now that "someday" is here we settle for the average, the mundane. What about getting up and doing something great for our God? We can't depend on what people before us have done...what will YOU do to affect the next generation? Maybe YOU are the person who is supposed to write the next devotional book or inspiring short story. Maybe YOU are the person who is supposed to go on the mission field and reach the millions who don't even have a town church or have never seen a Bible. Maybe YOU are supposed to start teaching that sunday school class or sing in the choir. Maybe YOU are the one who is supposed to reach out to that teen and start discipling them. Maybe by doing some random act of kindness for someone, that will open the door to witness. Why not go rake your neighbor's yard? Sure, it's probably not on your top 10... but what if your neighbor realizes the sacrifice you made in doing that and now has a listening ear for the gospel? They may try to pay you - refuse, and talk about the GIFT of salvation that is so much greater than the gift of a clean yard. What is the inheritance that YOU are leaving behind? What about witnessing to the child you will pass by today? One thing that amazes me about children is that they believe just about anything you tell them. I rarely have witnessed to a child that they did not get saved. So give it a shot! Add to the kingdom of Heaven!
Does your life really matter? I know mine doesn't, not like it should. Oh, that we can start having an eternal viewpoint! If we only realized how short our life is here on earth! Don't waste it! Do something that matters!
8/28/06
I'm speechless...
God has really been teaching me a lot lately. It's funny the different things that God can use to teach us big life lessons.
Sometimes I allow myself to be too concerned about things, such as life decisions or big purchases. But God has really shown me that He is always on time and will always take care of us.
He has really taught be about the power of prayer through my new car. Three years ago I started praying that when the time care for me to buy a car, that God would help me find a good, reliable car that would last a long time. Well, at the beginning of the summer I started actively looking for a car, and several of my students started praying that I would find a good one. In fact, I think they ended up praying about it more than I did... two of my students (one a 15 year old and also my 6 year old piano student) made a list of things I wanted on a car and actually prayed over that list. Both of their moms told me that each night they took out the list and prayed over it. Just thinking about that touches my heart. I had mentioned I would like a CD player, a sunroof... but that I felt almost funny asking for those things because they arent necessary. I am going to grad school, and I really wanted to be wise with my money and not just go out and buy some fancy car. I was also frustrated and not having a dad or ...anyone really to go shopping with me. Car dealers seem to love taking advantage of young single girls. But the Lord provided a Christian dealer who found out I was looking for a car and we went to a dealer auction together. I had my loan and my max amount....but corollas and camrys were going for thousands more than what I wanted to spend. I was getting discouraged, but I kept thinking about the fact that we had been praying and God promises that He'll provide all our needs. Well, a week later, Ronnie was at the auction and it turns out that a Toyota Avalon (The top toyota car) ended up in a Ford line at the auction, and there was hardly any competition for it. The Lord ended up providing an Avalon for me........below trade-in value!!!!!!!!!! It's beautiful... and yes, it has a sunroof, and a 6 disc changer. Heated leather seats, wood grain interior, upgraded paint job, upgraded security system....in fact, I did some research and discovered that this car has every possible add-in that you can get on an avalon. I am just beside myself. It is so amazing how God works... I had actually begun to doubt that I was going to get a decent car, but God provided one far better than I ever expected!
When I showed it to my students they went on and on about how they couldn't believe God provided so far above what they had prayed for! However, my one student who had actually made the list was absolutely quiet. Didnt say a word. I was a little concerned, but never had a chance to ask him if he was ok. His mom told me later that evening that he was truly awestruck that God answered so far above his/our prayers. She said that all he talked about that afternoon was how God provided so far above what we had prayed for and how he wanted to start praying more faithfully.
I look at that car as a ministry tool.....it sure taught me about prayer. I feel like it was really my students prayers that got the car.... they were so faithful. Their faithfulness in praying is a rebuke to me. I didnt pray every night....but they did. Its exciting when people ooooo and ahhhh about the car - I have the opportunity to explain God's power and personal attention!
This situation has taught me soooo much. God is personal. I knew that - but this is an actual thing I can touch and see that proves it. He delights in giving us our desires - and it hit me, what else has He been longing to give me that I simply haven't asked for? God's Word makes it obvious that God wants us to come to Him with our desires.... and that if He sees fit, He will give us what we ask for. Why don't I pray for more things??? As I pulled off the lot in my new car, I turned on the radio and heard the song "I am loved by the Father, I am loved by the Son, my Father is very fond of me..." (Chris Tomlin) and I just started to cry. I had been so frustrated at being "alone" in my car search but God is my Heavenly Father. He provided, far better than an earthly father could. As I heard that song, I had the heated seats on and I felt as though my Father was giving me a hug, reminding me how much He loves me.
Our God is wonderful. He leaves me speechless.
8/06
Sometimes I allow myself to be too concerned about things, such as life decisions or big purchases. But God has really shown me that He is always on time and will always take care of us.
He has really taught be about the power of prayer through my new car. Three years ago I started praying that when the time care for me to buy a car, that God would help me find a good, reliable car that would last a long time. Well, at the beginning of the summer I started actively looking for a car, and several of my students started praying that I would find a good one. In fact, I think they ended up praying about it more than I did... two of my students (one a 15 year old and also my 6 year old piano student) made a list of things I wanted on a car and actually prayed over that list. Both of their moms told me that each night they took out the list and prayed over it. Just thinking about that touches my heart. I had mentioned I would like a CD player, a sunroof... but that I felt almost funny asking for those things because they arent necessary. I am going to grad school, and I really wanted to be wise with my money and not just go out and buy some fancy car. I was also frustrated and not having a dad or ...anyone really to go shopping with me. Car dealers seem to love taking advantage of young single girls. But the Lord provided a Christian dealer who found out I was looking for a car and we went to a dealer auction together. I had my loan and my max amount....but corollas and camrys were going for thousands more than what I wanted to spend. I was getting discouraged, but I kept thinking about the fact that we had been praying and God promises that He'll provide all our needs. Well, a week later, Ronnie was at the auction and it turns out that a Toyota Avalon (The top toyota car) ended up in a Ford line at the auction, and there was hardly any competition for it. The Lord ended up providing an Avalon for me........below trade-in value!!!!!!!!!! It's beautiful... and yes, it has a sunroof, and a 6 disc changer. Heated leather seats, wood grain interior, upgraded paint job, upgraded security system....in fact, I did some research and discovered that this car has every possible add-in that you can get on an avalon. I am just beside myself. It is so amazing how God works... I had actually begun to doubt that I was going to get a decent car, but God provided one far better than I ever expected!
When I showed it to my students they went on and on about how they couldn't believe God provided so far above what they had prayed for! However, my one student who had actually made the list was absolutely quiet. Didnt say a word. I was a little concerned, but never had a chance to ask him if he was ok. His mom told me later that evening that he was truly awestruck that God answered so far above his/our prayers. She said that all he talked about that afternoon was how God provided so far above what we had prayed for and how he wanted to start praying more faithfully.
I look at that car as a ministry tool.....it sure taught me about prayer. I feel like it was really my students prayers that got the car.... they were so faithful. Their faithfulness in praying is a rebuke to me. I didnt pray every night....but they did. Its exciting when people ooooo and ahhhh about the car - I have the opportunity to explain God's power and personal attention!
This situation has taught me soooo much. God is personal. I knew that - but this is an actual thing I can touch and see that proves it. He delights in giving us our desires - and it hit me, what else has He been longing to give me that I simply haven't asked for? God's Word makes it obvious that God wants us to come to Him with our desires.... and that if He sees fit, He will give us what we ask for. Why don't I pray for more things??? As I pulled off the lot in my new car, I turned on the radio and heard the song "I am loved by the Father, I am loved by the Son, my Father is very fond of me..." (Chris Tomlin) and I just started to cry. I had been so frustrated at being "alone" in my car search but God is my Heavenly Father. He provided, far better than an earthly father could. As I heard that song, I had the heated seats on and I felt as though my Father was giving me a hug, reminding me how much He loves me.
Our God is wonderful. He leaves me speechless.
8/06
It's the little things
It's funny how the thought of losing something makes your perspective change. A lot has been up in the air about my life lately, but the basic gist is that I thought I was moving but now I will be staying here one more year. I now see the things that used to annoy me in a whole new light. Looking for housing in a totally different area has made me realize that those little things that annoy me are actually now part of my daily life, and I would actually miss it.
Instead of being annoyed by Baltimore and DC traffic, I'm thankful that I live in an area with so much opportunity for adventure. While sitting on the Woodrow Wilson bridge in rush hour traffic, I can look over at the Capitol building or the Washington Monument and remember how lucky I am to live so close to our nation's capital. I can visit the Holocaust Museum, the Science Center, or the Baltimore Aquarium on a whim and still have time left over in my day to go to a play or the symphony at night. At any time of the night I can go out and find a store that is open or a place to hang out. I have hundreds of thousands of people in such close proximity - not only is that a great opportunity to meet people, but I don't even need to leave the county to witness to people from around the world. Not only that, but many of my college friends are within a 2 hour drive.
The old lady across the street has made me late several times for work because she likes to chit chat as I'm heading out the door. But I'm thankful that I live in a nice, friendly neighborhood where people look out for each other. I still don't know why the elderly gentleman across the street likes to sit on his porch all day and stare into my yard, but at least I know no one can break into my house without someone knowing about it. The air conditioner makes a terrible noise, but when I come home at night and it is 97 degrees outside, I come into a cool house. I like that the mailbox is attached to the house - when it is snowing outside I don't have to put on a coat and shoes to get the mail. The yard takes forever to mow, but I'm so thankful for a nice yard that is mine to plant flowers in and have space around my house so I am not crammed up against the neighbor. I dislike raking all the leaves in the fall - but I have huge, beautiful old trees surrounding my house to add shade and beauty to my home. And, besides, it is fun to jump into a huge leaf pile and smell the fall air. My house is small, but I love how it looks like a little doll house. It annoys me that the new stove is bigger than it is supposed to be, but I will look back in years to come and laugh about my first house and how I had to take off the burner nobs to get into my silverware drawer. My hair gets frizzy because of all the humidity, but now I am even more appreciative when I have a good hair day :)
One day I will miss the old man who walks his 2 dogs every day, several times a day, and stops to chit chat. He even planted flowers in my garden. I'll miss taking the trash out and running into my neighbor and catching up with her and hanging out with her dog.
Most of all, I will miss having teenagers randomly stop by my house just to chit chat or ask for advice. I will miss stocking up on the popsicles that the girls like to eat on a hot summer day. I like to have them in the freezer just in case. I will miss coming home after a long day at work and finding a little note stuck on my door from students who came to visit and realized I wasn't home. I'll miss my friend leaving Gospel tracts on my door as a joke. I will miss the people here... old friends, new friends, and the people that I don't even know but I pass by on a regular basis and they have unknowingly become part of my life.
I will be very happy when the day comes that I can live back in the country and can go to the lake with my guitar and Bible, or lay on a blanket and watch the clouds or find the constellations. But for now, the Lord has given me a fresh perspective on urban life... and I am not going to take this next year for granted.
7/17/06
Instead of being annoyed by Baltimore and DC traffic, I'm thankful that I live in an area with so much opportunity for adventure. While sitting on the Woodrow Wilson bridge in rush hour traffic, I can look over at the Capitol building or the Washington Monument and remember how lucky I am to live so close to our nation's capital. I can visit the Holocaust Museum, the Science Center, or the Baltimore Aquarium on a whim and still have time left over in my day to go to a play or the symphony at night. At any time of the night I can go out and find a store that is open or a place to hang out. I have hundreds of thousands of people in such close proximity - not only is that a great opportunity to meet people, but I don't even need to leave the county to witness to people from around the world. Not only that, but many of my college friends are within a 2 hour drive.
The old lady across the street has made me late several times for work because she likes to chit chat as I'm heading out the door. But I'm thankful that I live in a nice, friendly neighborhood where people look out for each other. I still don't know why the elderly gentleman across the street likes to sit on his porch all day and stare into my yard, but at least I know no one can break into my house without someone knowing about it. The air conditioner makes a terrible noise, but when I come home at night and it is 97 degrees outside, I come into a cool house. I like that the mailbox is attached to the house - when it is snowing outside I don't have to put on a coat and shoes to get the mail. The yard takes forever to mow, but I'm so thankful for a nice yard that is mine to plant flowers in and have space around my house so I am not crammed up against the neighbor. I dislike raking all the leaves in the fall - but I have huge, beautiful old trees surrounding my house to add shade and beauty to my home. And, besides, it is fun to jump into a huge leaf pile and smell the fall air. My house is small, but I love how it looks like a little doll house. It annoys me that the new stove is bigger than it is supposed to be, but I will look back in years to come and laugh about my first house and how I had to take off the burner nobs to get into my silverware drawer. My hair gets frizzy because of all the humidity, but now I am even more appreciative when I have a good hair day :)
One day I will miss the old man who walks his 2 dogs every day, several times a day, and stops to chit chat. He even planted flowers in my garden. I'll miss taking the trash out and running into my neighbor and catching up with her and hanging out with her dog.
Most of all, I will miss having teenagers randomly stop by my house just to chit chat or ask for advice. I will miss stocking up on the popsicles that the girls like to eat on a hot summer day. I like to have them in the freezer just in case. I will miss coming home after a long day at work and finding a little note stuck on my door from students who came to visit and realized I wasn't home. I'll miss my friend leaving Gospel tracts on my door as a joke. I will miss the people here... old friends, new friends, and the people that I don't even know but I pass by on a regular basis and they have unknowingly become part of my life.
I will be very happy when the day comes that I can live back in the country and can go to the lake with my guitar and Bible, or lay on a blanket and watch the clouds or find the constellations. But for now, the Lord has given me a fresh perspective on urban life... and I am not going to take this next year for granted.
7/17/06
How I know for sure
I have had the opportunity to ask many people, "Are you 100% sure you are going to Heaven? " I have often been surprised by the answer... many people say that they hope so, but rarely do I find someone who KNOWS so. Only becaue of the Lord's grace can I personally say that I know so. Let me explain... trust me, this is worth reading!
When I was 18 I became a Christian by asking the Lord into my life to save me from my sin. It was not something I was born into or have "always been." It was a decision that I had to make. I came to understand three basic, simple truths from God's Word. And by the way, don't simply sit there and take my word on this. Yes, I'm being honest. But go find a Bible and read it for yourself... realize that this is real, not just something I am telling you about that has no meaning.
First I realized I was a sinner. Romans 3:23 says, "All have sinned and come short of the glory of God." That simply means we are all sinners. Yourself included. Myself included. Because of that we aren't worthy to be in God's presence because He is so holy. The problem with that is that God is in Heaven... but we are not worthy to be in His presence, which means we cannot be in Heaven. Romans 3:23 says that "the wages of sin is death..." (death in this verse is referring to separation from God/from Heaven) That is what we have earned (a wage) for our sin. But God loves us and wanted to find a way to fix this problem....
That's where John 3:16 comes in. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on Him should not perish but have everlasting life." You see, God sent His only Son, Jesus, to Earth. Jesus was born to the virgin Mary and the whole time He was growing up, He never sinned. Because He never sinned, He is the only One able to take our punishment for us. He doesn't have a "sin-debt" of His own to take care of, so He is able to take care of ours. He was the last person who deserved to suffer a consequence of sin - He never committed any! But He WANTED to do that for us so we could have the opportunity for entrance into Heaven and full fellowship with God Romans 5:8, "But God commendeth (showed) His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."
After He died, Christ was put into a tomb, but He did not stay there. The Bible tells us that He rose again on the third day - He could do that because He was God's Son! And of course, this is what we celebrate on Easter.
That's it. That's the gospel...the message. If you believe those things and realize that:
1. You're a sinner
2. Christ died for your sin and only He can save you
3. He came alive again
The Bible says that you can accept His gift - accept the gift of salvation, which is the way to Heaven! Romans 10:13 says, "For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved."
God wants you to believe His Word and take Christ as your personal Savior. If you have never done that, you can do it right now. Just pray and tell the Lord that you believe those things and that you want Him as your Savior.
You certainly can use your own words, but if you aren't quite sure what to say, but know you want to accept this gift, here are some words you could say:
Dear Lord, I know that I'm a sinner and I know that Jesus died on the cross for me. Please forgive me of my sin, come into my heart, and save me from my sin. Thank you so much! Amen
Wow! Did you just pray something like that??? Please tell me!! Send me a message! I want to be happy for you and pray for you
By the way...that gift can never be taken away or lost. Hebrews 13:5 says, "I will never leave you or forsake you." No matter what happens, if you meant it when you prayed, God will never leave you. Regardless of how you feel. Despite what future mistake you will make... God's love is amazing and never-ending!
I cannot imagine not having the Lord in my life...He helps me through trials, gives me blessings throughout my day, strength to face the world...but most importantly, He gave me the free gift of salvation. I really hope that you have accepted that gift as well!
I know this may be a lot to take in if you have never heard this before, so please feel free to send me a message!
When I was 18 I became a Christian by asking the Lord into my life to save me from my sin. It was not something I was born into or have "always been." It was a decision that I had to make. I came to understand three basic, simple truths from God's Word. And by the way, don't simply sit there and take my word on this. Yes, I'm being honest. But go find a Bible and read it for yourself... realize that this is real, not just something I am telling you about that has no meaning.
First I realized I was a sinner. Romans 3:23 says, "All have sinned and come short of the glory of God." That simply means we are all sinners. Yourself included. Myself included. Because of that we aren't worthy to be in God's presence because He is so holy. The problem with that is that God is in Heaven... but we are not worthy to be in His presence, which means we cannot be in Heaven. Romans 3:23 says that "the wages of sin is death..." (death in this verse is referring to separation from God/from Heaven) That is what we have earned (a wage) for our sin. But God loves us and wanted to find a way to fix this problem....
That's where John 3:16 comes in. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on Him should not perish but have everlasting life." You see, God sent His only Son, Jesus, to Earth. Jesus was born to the virgin Mary and the whole time He was growing up, He never sinned. Because He never sinned, He is the only One able to take our punishment for us. He doesn't have a "sin-debt" of His own to take care of, so He is able to take care of ours. He was the last person who deserved to suffer a consequence of sin - He never committed any! But He WANTED to do that for us so we could have the opportunity for entrance into Heaven and full fellowship with God Romans 5:8, "But God commendeth (showed) His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."
After He died, Christ was put into a tomb, but He did not stay there. The Bible tells us that He rose again on the third day - He could do that because He was God's Son! And of course, this is what we celebrate on Easter.
That's it. That's the gospel...the message. If you believe those things and realize that:
1. You're a sinner
2. Christ died for your sin and only He can save you
3. He came alive again
The Bible says that you can accept His gift - accept the gift of salvation, which is the way to Heaven! Romans 10:13 says, "For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved."
God wants you to believe His Word and take Christ as your personal Savior. If you have never done that, you can do it right now. Just pray and tell the Lord that you believe those things and that you want Him as your Savior.
You certainly can use your own words, but if you aren't quite sure what to say, but know you want to accept this gift, here are some words you could say:
Dear Lord, I know that I'm a sinner and I know that Jesus died on the cross for me. Please forgive me of my sin, come into my heart, and save me from my sin. Thank you so much! Amen
Wow! Did you just pray something like that??? Please tell me!! Send me a message! I want to be happy for you and pray for you
By the way...that gift can never be taken away or lost. Hebrews 13:5 says, "I will never leave you or forsake you." No matter what happens, if you meant it when you prayed, God will never leave you. Regardless of how you feel. Despite what future mistake you will make... God's love is amazing and never-ending!
I cannot imagine not having the Lord in my life...He helps me through trials, gives me blessings throughout my day, strength to face the world...but most importantly, He gave me the free gift of salvation. I really hope that you have accepted that gift as well!
I know this may be a lot to take in if you have never heard this before, so please feel free to send me a message!
Interesting Thought
Thinking on the story of the prodigal son ...I dont have my Bible here, unfortunately - but you can find what I am referring to in Luke ch. 15, verse 20 and following. I am not saything this is the right attitude, but one thing I have struggled with a lot is how it seems like people who arent serving the Lord prosper. It's not that I dont want good for them - but why isnt it dished out a little more evenly? Satan has been making it seem like they have so much fun, seem to prosper, and those who are striving to serve God don't. The reality is, serving God is a wonderful blessing. The fact that He allows us the priviledge of serving Him is humbling. But the human side of me struggles at times with the "fairness factor." Doesn't it seem easier to just not care? What about giving up full time ministry to make more money? What about the man who walks out and leaves a house full of kids to his wife. He prospers, she struggles. How is that fair?
But God is always fair. Tonight something hit me - look towards the end of ch. 15. The older bro of the prodigal son (the son who wandered away from his family and lived a lifestyle of sin) is talking to his dad, saying it's unfair - hes continued to do right all along and yet he doesnt get a party thrown in his honor. He doesnt get a new robe, etc. But his dad pointed some things out - first, the older son should rejoice in the fact that his brother has returned - be happy for his time of joy. Also, the prodigal son was enjoying his time that day, but the reality was that his inheritance was gone. Yes, he was forigven and restored to fellowship, but his monetary inheritance was gone. There was still a consequence. The dad pointed out to the son who stayed faithful that his inheritance was still coming... he had nothing to complain about. The prodigal son lost a lot in the process - friends, dignity, money, etc. He had his time. But in the long run, the faithful son was much more blessed.
In addition, we can see the the faithful son did not serve with the right attitude. He was physically in the right place - workin in the fields. But mentally and spiritually he was wrong. He was bitter. He was not focusing on serving with a servant's heart. He was not doing it out of love. How often do I serve, especially with being in full-time ministry, and it ends up that I'm in the right place physically - at the piano, in the pew, in front of the class, etc - but spiritually I'm way off base. What is my motive? It should be service, not "what can I get out of this?" Just as a wife enjoys doing things for her husband, I should enjoy doing things for the Lord, regardless of what I get in return or how much "fun" it is. That's love in it's truest form. Oh, to be able to love like that! We need to keep on keeping on... keep a God-centered eternal viewpoint!
But God is always fair. Tonight something hit me - look towards the end of ch. 15. The older bro of the prodigal son (the son who wandered away from his family and lived a lifestyle of sin) is talking to his dad, saying it's unfair - hes continued to do right all along and yet he doesnt get a party thrown in his honor. He doesnt get a new robe, etc. But his dad pointed some things out - first, the older son should rejoice in the fact that his brother has returned - be happy for his time of joy. Also, the prodigal son was enjoying his time that day, but the reality was that his inheritance was gone. Yes, he was forigven and restored to fellowship, but his monetary inheritance was gone. There was still a consequence. The dad pointed out to the son who stayed faithful that his inheritance was still coming... he had nothing to complain about. The prodigal son lost a lot in the process - friends, dignity, money, etc. He had his time. But in the long run, the faithful son was much more blessed.
In addition, we can see the the faithful son did not serve with the right attitude. He was physically in the right place - workin in the fields. But mentally and spiritually he was wrong. He was bitter. He was not focusing on serving with a servant's heart. He was not doing it out of love. How often do I serve, especially with being in full-time ministry, and it ends up that I'm in the right place physically - at the piano, in the pew, in front of the class, etc - but spiritually I'm way off base. What is my motive? It should be service, not "what can I get out of this?" Just as a wife enjoys doing things for her husband, I should enjoy doing things for the Lord, regardless of what I get in return or how much "fun" it is. That's love in it's truest form. Oh, to be able to love like that! We need to keep on keeping on... keep a God-centered eternal viewpoint!
argh!
Why is it that people get on their mighty ego power trips and think they're better than everyone else? I know, we are all guilty of that at times. But let's get a grip here, people.
I saw a TV thing one time about these skeletons that were found somewhere. They were saying how it was so hard to determine the race, etc, because all the bones appeared the same. We are all equal!!! The only difference, physically speaking, among people is the skin that covers our bones - we all may look different, but if we could erase a few inches of skin, we'd see we're all the same! Sometimes I wish people would look into the soul instead of the outer appearance. And no, this isn't stemming from a specific situation, just a general observation. I am guilty of it, we all struggle with it. I often judge people and assume they're a snob. How many friendships have I never made because of being judgemental? Or what about assuming someone is dorky or stupid or boring, and the list could go on and on.
Now let's take this beyond the physical - what about judging people because of their past? or their habits, or whatever else? Who are we to judge? The Bible makes it clear that we are ALL capable of any sin. To make people feel as though they are inferior because of a past misake is just wrong. Sometimes I wonder if God will allow them to struggle with the very sin they are looking down upon. Not that God tempts us. But would He allow us to go down that path?
I honestly don't know why this is on my mind today. But Im really fired up about it. We all need to realize that we are all equal - regardless of race, beauty, talents, past, etc. In 100 years, who will care? Only what we did for Christ will matter anyways!
6/26/06
I saw a TV thing one time about these skeletons that were found somewhere. They were saying how it was so hard to determine the race, etc, because all the bones appeared the same. We are all equal!!! The only difference, physically speaking, among people is the skin that covers our bones - we all may look different, but if we could erase a few inches of skin, we'd see we're all the same! Sometimes I wish people would look into the soul instead of the outer appearance. And no, this isn't stemming from a specific situation, just a general observation. I am guilty of it, we all struggle with it. I often judge people and assume they're a snob. How many friendships have I never made because of being judgemental? Or what about assuming someone is dorky or stupid or boring, and the list could go on and on.
Now let's take this beyond the physical - what about judging people because of their past? or their habits, or whatever else? Who are we to judge? The Bible makes it clear that we are ALL capable of any sin. To make people feel as though they are inferior because of a past misake is just wrong. Sometimes I wonder if God will allow them to struggle with the very sin they are looking down upon. Not that God tempts us. But would He allow us to go down that path?
I honestly don't know why this is on my mind today. But Im really fired up about it. We all need to realize that we are all equal - regardless of race, beauty, talents, past, etc. In 100 years, who will care? Only what we did for Christ will matter anyways!
6/26/06
Frustrated
I post blogs generally as an outlet to try to help other people and encourage them. Well, I have hesitated to post this one because quite frankly, I'm extremely frustrated. But then I realized... everyone is like this at some point or another, and maybe someone will be able to relate and realize you are not alone in the battle of the faith.
It just seems like lately I have let the Lord down left and right. I am leading a Bible study with some of the teen girls from the high school where I teach. We are studying the book, "When Godly People Do Ungodly Things" ... go read that book! But we talk about some of the sins that people tend to deem more ungodly than others, and how it is that people who love God can end up down that path. We just discussed this past week some of the common characteristics among people who have taken the wrong road. The whole idea of the book is to point out that Satan loves to ruin the testimony of Christians because that can lead many people away from Christ. Plus, because of the fact that the end times are closer than ever, Satan is more on a rampage than ever before - kind of the idea of "if I'm gonna lose, I'm gonna lose with the most destruction to the opposing force as possible .." I feel like I have been allowing Satan to use me to hurt God. It's scary. It's like I know I'm doing wrong, and even in the midst of it I am thinking "right now you know you are hurting God" ... but yet I proceed anyways. How can that be? Why am I allowing the Enemy to use me to hurt my Savior? And most of all, why does God love me despite of all of it? I know He isn't pleased, but He still loves.
Sometimes I think I shouldn't be a counselor... I know this is the Devil trying to turn me away from God's will. I won't allow him to do that. The truth is, maybe God can use some of my mistakes to help other people because I'll be able to relate to them better. I just sometimes look at my life and think I'm such a hypocrite. I lead a Bible study on why it's so important to stay close to God and not allow Satan to deceive us... and I can honestly say that if I could MAKE the teens that sit in my living room do right, I would. I want to spare them pain that comes from doing the wrong thing. But then it's like I'm not even listening to myself. Have you ever felt like that? It's like you want what's best for them, but in a way, you feel like it's too late for yourself.
But the beautiful thing is that with God, it's never too late. He's the only one that can wash away our sin. The only one who can look at us, after true repentance, and see us as though it never happened. I want to not take advantage of that. I don't want to think "I'll just apologize later for it." That's not true repentance, in my mind. The good thing is, I know I'm not alone in this struggle. Even Paul struggled with it and wrote about this very thing in Romans. (If I had my Bible here, I'd tell you where exactly.) I know many of you reading this probably feel the same way I do. The better thing is that I know God loves me anyway -- for what reason, I'm not sure. But it feels so good to know that He does. I don't know why He still blesses, and I don't know why He still uses me .... but I'm sure glad He does. I guess the BEST thing of all is that I know God can change me. He is the only One with the power to change. I can't do it by myself. And you know what, neither can you. Many times it feels like an inconquerable battle.... but God can do all things. He had the power to part the Red Sea, hold the mouths of lions closed, throw the stars into the sky. He WANTS to help. Often He's just waiting for us to ask. I'm so thankful for my Savior.
6/17/06
It just seems like lately I have let the Lord down left and right. I am leading a Bible study with some of the teen girls from the high school where I teach. We are studying the book, "When Godly People Do Ungodly Things" ... go read that book! But we talk about some of the sins that people tend to deem more ungodly than others, and how it is that people who love God can end up down that path. We just discussed this past week some of the common characteristics among people who have taken the wrong road. The whole idea of the book is to point out that Satan loves to ruin the testimony of Christians because that can lead many people away from Christ. Plus, because of the fact that the end times are closer than ever, Satan is more on a rampage than ever before - kind of the idea of "if I'm gonna lose, I'm gonna lose with the most destruction to the opposing force as possible .." I feel like I have been allowing Satan to use me to hurt God. It's scary. It's like I know I'm doing wrong, and even in the midst of it I am thinking "right now you know you are hurting God" ... but yet I proceed anyways. How can that be? Why am I allowing the Enemy to use me to hurt my Savior? And most of all, why does God love me despite of all of it? I know He isn't pleased, but He still loves.
Sometimes I think I shouldn't be a counselor... I know this is the Devil trying to turn me away from God's will. I won't allow him to do that. The truth is, maybe God can use some of my mistakes to help other people because I'll be able to relate to them better. I just sometimes look at my life and think I'm such a hypocrite. I lead a Bible study on why it's so important to stay close to God and not allow Satan to deceive us... and I can honestly say that if I could MAKE the teens that sit in my living room do right, I would. I want to spare them pain that comes from doing the wrong thing. But then it's like I'm not even listening to myself. Have you ever felt like that? It's like you want what's best for them, but in a way, you feel like it's too late for yourself.
But the beautiful thing is that with God, it's never too late. He's the only one that can wash away our sin. The only one who can look at us, after true repentance, and see us as though it never happened. I want to not take advantage of that. I don't want to think "I'll just apologize later for it." That's not true repentance, in my mind. The good thing is, I know I'm not alone in this struggle. Even Paul struggled with it and wrote about this very thing in Romans. (If I had my Bible here, I'd tell you where exactly.) I know many of you reading this probably feel the same way I do. The better thing is that I know God loves me anyway -- for what reason, I'm not sure. But it feels so good to know that He does. I don't know why He still blesses, and I don't know why He still uses me .... but I'm sure glad He does. I guess the BEST thing of all is that I know God can change me. He is the only One with the power to change. I can't do it by myself. And you know what, neither can you. Many times it feels like an inconquerable battle.... but God can do all things. He had the power to part the Red Sea, hold the mouths of lions closed, throw the stars into the sky. He WANTS to help. Often He's just waiting for us to ask. I'm so thankful for my Savior.
6/17/06
Only Peter
Only Peter
I was thinking about Peter. I think I would have gotten along well with him. I am talking about Peter, the disciple of Jesus. It seems like he was always speaking before thinking, making mistakes then kicking himself for it... just like me. But wow....what a lesson his life has taught me this week...
So often we look at people living for the Lord and think, "eh...that's alright for them, but I am going to stay here where it's safe and comfortable. But good for them! That's just not really for me."
Have you ever really thought about when Peter walked on the water? I know I have, but recently I have thought of it in a whole new light: The other 11 disciples were in the boat. They could have gotten out and walked on water too. But they decided to stay where it was safe... however, Peter was the one who stepped out in faith, literally. And it hit me... HE is the ONLY ONE on the entire face of the earth that actually knows what it feels like to walk on water!!!!!!!! How exhilirating that must have been!!!! The ones who stayed in their safe haven never received that unique blessing. Yes, Peter took his eyes off Jesus and started to sink. BUT PETER WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO EVEN TRIED. And...even though he faltered, he THEN got to experience Jesus literally reaching down and physically pulling him up out of the murky water. What an experience!!!!!!!! I bet the other disciples kicked themselves for not trying.
I know I have watched other people and seen what they enjoy and then regret not also trying. I dont want to "not try" for the Lord... man... so many people think living for the Lord isn't "comfortable" .... they're right. It's EXHILARATING!!!! Yeah, of course there are the hard times. But, like Peter, without taking those steps of faith, we won't ever have the opportunity for those unique blessings that only come through "risk." Although, with Christ - I would call it a step of faith more than a risk.
Don't be one of the 11 in the boat!!!! EXPERIENCE GOD!!!!!!! SERVE HIM!!!!!!! Don't look back at this short life and regret what you didn't do for God.
5/18/06
I was thinking about Peter. I think I would have gotten along well with him. I am talking about Peter, the disciple of Jesus. It seems like he was always speaking before thinking, making mistakes then kicking himself for it... just like me. But wow....what a lesson his life has taught me this week...
So often we look at people living for the Lord and think, "eh...that's alright for them, but I am going to stay here where it's safe and comfortable. But good for them! That's just not really for me."
Have you ever really thought about when Peter walked on the water? I know I have, but recently I have thought of it in a whole new light: The other 11 disciples were in the boat. They could have gotten out and walked on water too. But they decided to stay where it was safe... however, Peter was the one who stepped out in faith, literally. And it hit me... HE is the ONLY ONE on the entire face of the earth that actually knows what it feels like to walk on water!!!!!!!! How exhilirating that must have been!!!! The ones who stayed in their safe haven never received that unique blessing. Yes, Peter took his eyes off Jesus and started to sink. BUT PETER WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO EVEN TRIED. And...even though he faltered, he THEN got to experience Jesus literally reaching down and physically pulling him up out of the murky water. What an experience!!!!!!!! I bet the other disciples kicked themselves for not trying.
I know I have watched other people and seen what they enjoy and then regret not also trying. I dont want to "not try" for the Lord... man... so many people think living for the Lord isn't "comfortable" .... they're right. It's EXHILARATING!!!! Yeah, of course there are the hard times. But, like Peter, without taking those steps of faith, we won't ever have the opportunity for those unique blessings that only come through "risk." Although, with Christ - I would call it a step of faith more than a risk.
Don't be one of the 11 in the boat!!!! EXPERIENCE GOD!!!!!!! SERVE HIM!!!!!!! Don't look back at this short life and regret what you didn't do for God.
5/18/06
WHY?! Oh wait, I think I know this one.
why?...oh wait! I think I know this one.
I am a person who likes to know why. When the mechanic fixes the car, Im not just satisfied to know they fixed it. I want to know how the problem started, how it got fixed, and why it got fixed that way. I like to know how and why about everything.
sometimes I wonder WHYYYYYYY the teens are the way they are. Dont get me wrong, I LOVE my students. I wouldnt be a teacher if I didnt. But I get so irritated when they dont listen or dont do their work or slack off in school. I want to shake them and say "Dont you realize this is going to make a difference in your life???! Don't you realize how lucky you have it to be in a Christian school????? Dont you realize someone is sacrificing big time for you to be here, and you are just blowing it off?? And lastly, dont you realize how much work I put into this and you just sit there and dont do anything??" Not all my students are like that, and even the ones that are are good kids. But it just drives me crazy sometimes. WHY?!??!
But then I realize God is teaching me a big lesson in my own life. It makes me think...how many times has God wanted to hit me upside the head and say, "ANNA!!!!! Don't you realize what a sacrifice has been made for you??? I sent my Son so you could be forgiven. I forgave you....so forgive yourself and get over it! Take advantage of My love! ANNA... dont you realize how much work I put into that sunrise this morning - look at it!!! I made it for you to enjoy. Get out of your funk and chill.....look around you. Isnt it obvious I love you???? ANNA.......why are you doubting??? look at how I have provided for you in the past... do you think I can't do that again?"
Why, I ask, does God allow me the frustration of seeing my kids slack off..not appreciate what they have? Because He wants me to realize how often I don't take advantage or take notice of Him. He puts a whole lot more work into me than I put into my students....what right do I have to become indignant when they do not appreciate or notice the time and effort I put into teaching them. God puts so much into me and I just take it for granted, and then even get mad at Him if things dont go my way. Wow. I'm glad God made me to think about "why."
3/29/06
I am a person who likes to know why. When the mechanic fixes the car, Im not just satisfied to know they fixed it. I want to know how the problem started, how it got fixed, and why it got fixed that way. I like to know how and why about everything.
sometimes I wonder WHYYYYYYY the teens are the way they are. Dont get me wrong, I LOVE my students. I wouldnt be a teacher if I didnt. But I get so irritated when they dont listen or dont do their work or slack off in school. I want to shake them and say "Dont you realize this is going to make a difference in your life???! Don't you realize how lucky you have it to be in a Christian school????? Dont you realize someone is sacrificing big time for you to be here, and you are just blowing it off?? And lastly, dont you realize how much work I put into this and you just sit there and dont do anything??" Not all my students are like that, and even the ones that are are good kids. But it just drives me crazy sometimes. WHY?!??!
But then I realize God is teaching me a big lesson in my own life. It makes me think...how many times has God wanted to hit me upside the head and say, "ANNA!!!!! Don't you realize what a sacrifice has been made for you??? I sent my Son so you could be forgiven. I forgave you....so forgive yourself and get over it! Take advantage of My love! ANNA... dont you realize how much work I put into that sunrise this morning - look at it!!! I made it for you to enjoy. Get out of your funk and chill.....look around you. Isnt it obvious I love you???? ANNA.......why are you doubting??? look at how I have provided for you in the past... do you think I can't do that again?"
Why, I ask, does God allow me the frustration of seeing my kids slack off..not appreciate what they have? Because He wants me to realize how often I don't take advantage or take notice of Him. He puts a whole lot more work into me than I put into my students....what right do I have to become indignant when they do not appreciate or notice the time and effort I put into teaching them. God puts so much into me and I just take it for granted, and then even get mad at Him if things dont go my way. Wow. I'm glad God made me to think about "why."
3/29/06
Even more than the sand!!!!
My favorite verse is one I found while living in FL... the sand down there is very fine, inmeasurable... and then I found this versePs. 139:17, 18How precious unto me are Thy thoughts O God, how vast is the sum of them. If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand!! Wow!!! MORE IN NUMBER THAN THE SAND??!?!??! ? Thats mind boggling!! If I could count all the sand on the whole earth - in FL, in Hawaii, Bahamas, and so on, it wouldnt measure up to the number of thoughts God has for me!!! It teaches me two things:1. God must love me a lot to think that much about me2. He surely has a plan for my life... with all of that thinking, Im sure there is no part of my life that He hasnt thought about. He knows all my trials, fears, aspirations..everything. And yet He still loves me. Wow! Wouldn't I be silly not to listen to Him and what He's trying to tell me?? I remember one time sitting at the beach. I was worried about a test the next day, and my friend Kevin picked up a handful of sand and chucked it at me, telling me to quit worrying because God has thought about my test more than the amount of sand he just threw at me... lol Talk about an object lesson. But so true!!
3/18/06
3/18/06
Outreach
I heard this really great quote today -
No one deserves to hear the gospel twice until everyone has heard it once.
Our missions conference this week has been so good. Tonight there was a video from BIMI, and it was sharing how people over in Russia and the country of Georgia are so hungry for God's Word. They had video tape of a missions trip over there, and people were crying because they received their first Bible, they were even kissing the cover of their Bibles. What a rebuke to me. The guy had a box full of Bibles, and he was bombarded with people begging for a Bible. Man... that really tugged at my heart. I have never felt God leading me into full time missions, although I suppose that is not out of the realm of possibilities, but I definitely want to go on short term missions trips. To see those people, how happy they were to learn about God. I think here in America we are so used to being able to go to church and have Bible studies, christian radio, etc, that it has started to lose its value. The speaker said that over there if you put your Bible on the floor, you have lost the respect of the people because of that. That is how much they love the Word of God.
It only costs $1.20 to supply a Bible for those people. Think of how much money we spend on so many things that aren't eternal. Even if you only give $12.00 - you have given 10 people God's Word!!! Most likely their very first Bible! It could change their life, their families lives......wow. And no, Im not a spokesperson for BIMI, haha. Just excited and humbled....feeling rebuked about how I spend my time and money. Why not, the next time I want to bu y a n ew outfit, take that money and send it... give the gospel to entire families and as a result, their lives change! What a better use of my finances!
I remember one summer when I was working for CEF.... I was telling a little girl named Roberta about Jesus, and she kept asking me - why havent I ever heard this before?? I have never heard this before! Then this past week at church I was able to talk with a little boy named Chad.....and I asked him if he knew who Jesus was and he told me "my parents havent told me about that yet" ... then I asked him about heaven, and he again said "my parents haven't told me about that yet." .... wow.... that is so sad. Here in America! Think of what it must be in other countries! The thing that always gets me...... of course you run into people that dont want to hear i t, but generally speaking, most people I have talked to do want to be saved. Especially kids. I think sometimes Christians view unsaved people as "bad" people - they arent. In fact, most are wonderful, sweet people. Many are very religious - a lot of religions have more "requirements" than Christianity. It's not that they dont care about wanting to know God, but they havent been explained the truth. Especially for kids, its not that they have chosen to not go to heaven. It's that they haven't been told. Man......theres a whole world of people who would love to know the truth, but there isnt anyone to tell them! Some dont e ven know that they have the "wrong truth." Why not me!??!?! Why not you!?
I know this is a bit of a ramble... but I'm just really humbled thinking about this, it makes me want to get my priorities straight.
I just keep thinking, what if no one had ever told my family about Christ's death and resurrection ..... where would we be? What would my life be like?
3/7/06
No one deserves to hear the gospel twice until everyone has heard it once.
Our missions conference this week has been so good. Tonight there was a video from BIMI, and it was sharing how people over in Russia and the country of Georgia are so hungry for God's Word. They had video tape of a missions trip over there, and people were crying because they received their first Bible, they were even kissing the cover of their Bibles. What a rebuke to me. The guy had a box full of Bibles, and he was bombarded with people begging for a Bible. Man... that really tugged at my heart. I have never felt God leading me into full time missions, although I suppose that is not out of the realm of possibilities, but I definitely want to go on short term missions trips. To see those people, how happy they were to learn about God. I think here in America we are so used to being able to go to church and have Bible studies, christian radio, etc, that it has started to lose its value. The speaker said that over there if you put your Bible on the floor, you have lost the respect of the people because of that. That is how much they love the Word of God.
It only costs $1.20 to supply a Bible for those people. Think of how much money we spend on so many things that aren't eternal. Even if you only give $12.00 - you have given 10 people God's Word!!! Most likely their very first Bible! It could change their life, their families lives......wow. And no, Im not a spokesperson for BIMI, haha. Just excited and humbled....feeling rebuked about how I spend my time and money. Why not, the next time I want to bu y a n ew outfit, take that money and send it... give the gospel to entire families and as a result, their lives change! What a better use of my finances!
I remember one summer when I was working for CEF.... I was telling a little girl named Roberta about Jesus, and she kept asking me - why havent I ever heard this before?? I have never heard this before! Then this past week at church I was able to talk with a little boy named Chad.....and I asked him if he knew who Jesus was and he told me "my parents havent told me about that yet" ... then I asked him about heaven, and he again said "my parents haven't told me about that yet." .... wow.... that is so sad. Here in America! Think of what it must be in other countries! The thing that always gets me...... of course you run into people that dont want to hear i t, but generally speaking, most people I have talked to do want to be saved. Especially kids. I think sometimes Christians view unsaved people as "bad" people - they arent. In fact, most are wonderful, sweet people. Many are very religious - a lot of religions have more "requirements" than Christianity. It's not that they dont care about wanting to know God, but they havent been explained the truth. Especially for kids, its not that they have chosen to not go to heaven. It's that they haven't been told. Man......theres a whole world of people who would love to know the truth, but there isnt anyone to tell them! Some dont e ven know that they have the "wrong truth." Why not me!??!?! Why not you!?
I know this is a bit of a ramble... but I'm just really humbled thinking about this, it makes me want to get my priorities straight.
I just keep thinking, what if no one had ever told my family about Christ's death and resurrection ..... where would we be? What would my life be like?
3/7/06
Lack of Faith
So often we lack faith. God calls us to do something, and many times we tell Him we can't do it. Isnt that silly? If God CREATED us, why would we then tell Him we can't do something ... look at what God has done already! It doesnt even make sense that He'd ask us to do something if we really couldn't. If He MADE us, can't He supply us the power to do what He wants us to?
I often think of Daniel in the Lions Den and how amazing it must have been to be down there and actually live through that. I think I view it as a fairy-tale type story, something that happened so long ago that it didnt really happen. But it did. Daniel had faith, and God really did shut the lions' mouths! Then I think about the parting of the Red Sea - can you imagine if that was on the news tomorrow night as something that happened. The whole world would come to a hault in utter amazement. I have access to the God that made that happen, and yet I think He can't take care of my problems or needs, and when He makes it clear I am supposed to move certain directions in my life, I think I can't do it or that if I do, I will be unhappy. How silly! I love Hebrews 11 - have you ever really just sat and read that chapter and THOUGHT about it? When I was trying to discern if the Lord really did want me to go to grad school, I was so uncertain. I don't think I have ever been so unsure of a decision, so I went up to the lake and sat on top of a hill with my Bible and just prayed and asked God to show me a verse, and I opened my Bible and fell upon Hebrews 11. How amazing - I have read it so many times in the past and it was just words, I didnt let them sink in. Look how many amazing things happened just because some people had faith. Wow! I love the verse that says Noah moved with fear. It wasnt that he was this perfect human so unlike us... he was just like us, but had faith and respect in God, and look at what he did. Yeah, he was afraid, but he still moved. I wish I could have that kind of impact on the world, to make such a difference for Christ. Whos to say we can't accomplish something world-changing for Christ, not that the goal is to be famous, but the goal is to glorify God in a big big way....and the way you do that is through faith! I love to look at the stars (which is kind of hard where I live now - city lights argh! Plus the fear of being shot or something, but thats another story)
Anyways, the stars. Our sun is a dwarf star - one of the smallest. So think of how far away the stars are for them to look so small to us, just a tiny dot of light that produces no heat that we can feel here on earth. wow.......God made that. Have you ever just sat and looked at them for a long time? Wow. He surely can handle my problems and give me the strength to do what He has asked me to. Why do I forget that He is that God when it comes to the practical everyday things of life?
Let's not forget who our God is and what He has done... He is the same God who shut the mouths of the lions, who parted the Red Sea, who turned Moses' rod to a serpent and then back again.... so trust Him!
3/5/06
I often think of Daniel in the Lions Den and how amazing it must have been to be down there and actually live through that. I think I view it as a fairy-tale type story, something that happened so long ago that it didnt really happen. But it did. Daniel had faith, and God really did shut the lions' mouths! Then I think about the parting of the Red Sea - can you imagine if that was on the news tomorrow night as something that happened. The whole world would come to a hault in utter amazement. I have access to the God that made that happen, and yet I think He can't take care of my problems or needs, and when He makes it clear I am supposed to move certain directions in my life, I think I can't do it or that if I do, I will be unhappy. How silly! I love Hebrews 11 - have you ever really just sat and read that chapter and THOUGHT about it? When I was trying to discern if the Lord really did want me to go to grad school, I was so uncertain. I don't think I have ever been so unsure of a decision, so I went up to the lake and sat on top of a hill with my Bible and just prayed and asked God to show me a verse, and I opened my Bible and fell upon Hebrews 11. How amazing - I have read it so many times in the past and it was just words, I didnt let them sink in. Look how many amazing things happened just because some people had faith. Wow! I love the verse that says Noah moved with fear. It wasnt that he was this perfect human so unlike us... he was just like us, but had faith and respect in God, and look at what he did. Yeah, he was afraid, but he still moved. I wish I could have that kind of impact on the world, to make such a difference for Christ. Whos to say we can't accomplish something world-changing for Christ, not that the goal is to be famous, but the goal is to glorify God in a big big way....and the way you do that is through faith! I love to look at the stars (which is kind of hard where I live now - city lights argh! Plus the fear of being shot or something, but thats another story)
Anyways, the stars. Our sun is a dwarf star - one of the smallest. So think of how far away the stars are for them to look so small to us, just a tiny dot of light that produces no heat that we can feel here on earth. wow.......God made that. Have you ever just sat and looked at them for a long time? Wow. He surely can handle my problems and give me the strength to do what He has asked me to. Why do I forget that He is that God when it comes to the practical everyday things of life?
Let's not forget who our God is and what He has done... He is the same God who shut the mouths of the lions, who parted the Red Sea, who turned Moses' rod to a serpent and then back again.... so trust Him!
3/5/06
Standard of Measurement
Standard of Measurement
I was thinking tonight about how we often compare ourselves to other people. Even looking through myspace, it's easy to compare yourself to others... what they look like, their financial success, the amount of education, where they live and what they are doing, etc. I think everyone struggles with this to some degree or another. But that's like measuring with a 11" ruler. Why would we want to use an imperfect standard of measurement?
I know, at least for us ladies, that Proverbs 31 is a great standard, the perfect standard, the 12" ruler kind of standard. Why not look at Scripture and ask ourselves how we compare to it instead of others. It's such a hard thing to do at times, but it seems like the more you are in the Word, the less you are concerned with things of the world and it is such much easier to find true contentment. I mean, how can you read of God's love and committment to you and not feel a sense of contentment? And why not go to His Word and evaluate ourselves instead of looking to others? So, instead of looking to others and wishing our contentment away, let's look to the Word and seriously take a step back and evaluate our lives. Here are some things I have found that I need to ask myself. I wrote these in my Bible, and if you have room at the end of Proverbs 31, I encourage you to do the same.
According to Proverbs 31, I should be:
v.11 Trustworthy
v. 13,17 A hard worker
v. 15 Rise early to work, put myself last, and finish the job
v. 16 A good steward of time and money
v. 20 Help those in need
v. 21 Make sure my family has the best and their needs are taken care of
v. 25 Have strength and honor, look to the future and be excited
v. 26 Wise, Kind
v. 27 Always busy doing something worthwhile
v. 30 (and most important!) Fear the Lord - Put God first! Don't make beauty or having favor among men as my goal. These things are not wrong, but should not be my goal or central focus.
There are some other passages, such as Titus 2, 2 Cor. 6:14-16, etc. I just challenge you, and myself, to stop looking at others as our standard of measurement, but to God and His Word.
I admit, looking at the above list..... Im feeling rather un-Proverbs 31ish. BUT... I also know that God will never ask us to do something and then hope we can manage. He WILL give us the ability to accomplish what He has put before us. Just take one step at a time!
I was thinking tonight about how we often compare ourselves to other people. Even looking through myspace, it's easy to compare yourself to others... what they look like, their financial success, the amount of education, where they live and what they are doing, etc. I think everyone struggles with this to some degree or another. But that's like measuring with a 11" ruler. Why would we want to use an imperfect standard of measurement?
I know, at least for us ladies, that Proverbs 31 is a great standard, the perfect standard, the 12" ruler kind of standard. Why not look at Scripture and ask ourselves how we compare to it instead of others. It's such a hard thing to do at times, but it seems like the more you are in the Word, the less you are concerned with things of the world and it is such much easier to find true contentment. I mean, how can you read of God's love and committment to you and not feel a sense of contentment? And why not go to His Word and evaluate ourselves instead of looking to others? So, instead of looking to others and wishing our contentment away, let's look to the Word and seriously take a step back and evaluate our lives. Here are some things I have found that I need to ask myself. I wrote these in my Bible, and if you have room at the end of Proverbs 31, I encourage you to do the same.
According to Proverbs 31, I should be:
v.11 Trustworthy
v. 13,17 A hard worker
v. 15 Rise early to work, put myself last, and finish the job
v. 16 A good steward of time and money
v. 20 Help those in need
v. 21 Make sure my family has the best and their needs are taken care of
v. 25 Have strength and honor, look to the future and be excited
v. 26 Wise, Kind
v. 27 Always busy doing something worthwhile
v. 30 (and most important!) Fear the Lord - Put God first! Don't make beauty or having favor among men as my goal. These things are not wrong, but should not be my goal or central focus.
There are some other passages, such as Titus 2, 2 Cor. 6:14-16, etc. I just challenge you, and myself, to stop looking at others as our standard of measurement, but to God and His Word.
I admit, looking at the above list..... Im feeling rather un-Proverbs 31ish. BUT... I also know that God will never ask us to do something and then hope we can manage. He WILL give us the ability to accomplish what He has put before us. Just take one step at a time!
Random thoughts
Just some random thoughts about God... not necessarily in any order...
I was just sitting here thinking about where God is leading me in my life. It reminds me of Ps. 139:17, 18 - "How precious also are Thy thoughts unto me, O God, how vast is the sum of them. If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand." Think about that for a minute. If we could actually count every single piece of sand on the earth, that number would not even come close to the number of thoughts God has for me, individually. And for you, individually, as well as everyone else, individually. This really hit me when I was at Clearwater Beach and saw how fine the sand is down there...I can't imagine even trying to count the sand on that one beach, and to think God thinks about me more than that...... that's a lot of thoughts! It just goes to show that, if He thinks that much about us, He must really love us and have a plan for our life.
I know that God is leading me to go to grad school to study counseling, and as I look back at my life..... I can't even wrap my mind around everything He has done for me to get me to this point. It's so overwhelming and makes me just so excited. I often think, why would God care so much about me to make it all work out like this...... to think that way back when I was a little kid God already knew I'd be heading down this path and He was putting obstacles and things in my life to help me grow. Even the bad things, those things will help me counsel others because I will be able to relate a little better because of the things God has allowed in my own life.
Then that makes me stop and think, How in the world does He keep my life so organized!?! I may not always feel like everything is under control, but to stop and think how He perfectly orchestrated everything, every little detail (even the times I was not where I needed to be with Him) to prepare me. I think.......how does He remember to pay such attention to my life? I can't even keep track of my own life, I forget things or forget appointments, but God has the whole world to keep in check and He never makes a mistake, never forgets something. Never forgets to allow that trial in my life to help me grow...never forgets to send those blessings to remind us of His love.
I remember one night I was standing on the balcony behind Cathcart (The dining hall that backed up to Tampa Bay), and I was looking over at the lights in Tampa and I just started thinking about how many people were in Tampa. That area is so built up, and looking at all the lights that lined the bay I just remember it hitting me, how does God do it? I was up there thinking about how God had worked something out in my life, and it hit me......I get so amazed how He can do that for me, but He not only does that for me, He does that for everybody...... I get overwhelmed enough thinking about how He does it for me, and to think He has enough power to do that for everybody else.........wow. That is amazing. He brings us into each other's lives and sends us on our way, all for His purpose. I dont even know if this is making sense......if I am putting it into the right words. It's almost like you get the "full" feeling, for lack of a better description. Just like you can't handle thinking about it anymore, and you are left with such peace and contentment that you cant even describe it.
....and then I think WHY am I such an idiot!? This past week I have been struggling with even having the desire to serve the Lord. I keep thinking of all the things I want to go do that I know would not be right or pleasing to the Lord, and it's almost like I start to struggle with that "hardness of heart" and think who cares..... who cares about doing what's right and trying to serve the Lord. But when you stop to think of all I have just written.....why would we ever want to do our "own thing"? Isn't it clear God is so much smarter and more wise.... He knows the future! He knows what He has to do to prepare me for the next step in life.....why would I want to walk away from Him and try to do it on my own? What do I know?? And then it's a huge eye opener to realize, this is one of the times Satan would probably want to get me down the most. I'm trying to discern where God wants me to go to school......whether or not I should move or stay here? .......of course Satan would love to get me off track. Do I honestly want to give Satan the victory?!!? Beth Moore, the author of When Godly People Do Ungodly Things (you have GOT to read that book!) explained it like this, and it is a huge motivator/eye opener.
Think of the trials Job went through.....I'm sure it was tough for him to keep on keeping on. But Beth pointed out that Satan asked permission before he was able to test Job like that.....same is true about Peter, who denied Christ, but not after Satan asked God if he could test Peter. It's almost like we're in a game.....God and Satan are the coaches, and I'm on God's team. We should all be on God's team. Satan has challeneged God and said yea, I bet that player wont make the right play......put her under some stress and she'll fail the team. God has faith in us and allows us to be put in the game....to test our strength and to prove Satan wrong. dont you think job would have been so motivated if God had revealed to him while he was in the midst of his trials, that he was i n the middle of a huge warfare between God and Satan and God had "put him in the game" to win one for Christ? It's a priviledge to think God believes in us enough to put us in the game. Why would we want to let him down? I know that there are times we honestly dont want to let him down, but the opponent seems to intimidating that it is IMPOSSIBLE to win the play.... but I have to remember that God won't give me more than I can handle, and if He has called on me to make the play, He knows I can do it. I try so hard to remember, when I feel like giving up, I picture God calling me to the sidelines, giving me a pep talk, asking me why I am losing my drive to make the right play... It's like if we could see what was really going on in the spiritual realm, we'd have a much clearer perspective and it'd be a huge wake up call about getting serious about serving God... I used to wonder why God would allow Satan to test us when He already knows that we will mess up. But think about it.....isn't it true that when we make a mistake, we are so much more aware of that weakness and remember not to do it again? Think of Peter......I was thinking about this. Satan asked permission to sift Peter, and God said yes. I kept thinking......WHY? Why did God give him permission when He knew Peter would make the wrong choice. But look at what Peter learned. Look at what his mistake has taught us. Like when youre in a real game and you make a "stupid mistake" ... you learn from that and move on, more aware than ever that you dont want to let that happen again. Nothing is wasted in God's economy. All I know is, I want to make the play for Christ. Right now I feel pretty weary and I really want God to take me out of the game and put me on the sidelines for awhile.....but how is that going to help me grow.
Have you heard about the man God asked to push against the rock? God told this guy to go outside and push on this huge rock. So the man did, day after day.......this went on for months, but the rock never budged. The man was getting so irritated that God asked him to do something that was reaping no profit......the rock would not budge! Why wasn't God helping him? Why wasn't God moving the rock? Finally one day, the man asked God....... and God told him that He had never asked the man to MOVE the rock, just to PUSH on the rock. Then the man looked down and his arms and legs and saw the muscles that had formed through pushing on the rock.......they did not exist before this seemingly impossible task. I often wonder what rocks God has asked me to push and I gave up... I dont ever want to give up...
I know this has been a lot of thoughts that seem to jump around, but it's been on my heart and mind lately, and I think getting it out helps me clear my head.
I was just sitting here thinking about where God is leading me in my life. It reminds me of Ps. 139:17, 18 - "How precious also are Thy thoughts unto me, O God, how vast is the sum of them. If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand." Think about that for a minute. If we could actually count every single piece of sand on the earth, that number would not even come close to the number of thoughts God has for me, individually. And for you, individually, as well as everyone else, individually. This really hit me when I was at Clearwater Beach and saw how fine the sand is down there...I can't imagine even trying to count the sand on that one beach, and to think God thinks about me more than that...... that's a lot of thoughts! It just goes to show that, if He thinks that much about us, He must really love us and have a plan for our life.
I know that God is leading me to go to grad school to study counseling, and as I look back at my life..... I can't even wrap my mind around everything He has done for me to get me to this point. It's so overwhelming and makes me just so excited. I often think, why would God care so much about me to make it all work out like this...... to think that way back when I was a little kid God already knew I'd be heading down this path and He was putting obstacles and things in my life to help me grow. Even the bad things, those things will help me counsel others because I will be able to relate a little better because of the things God has allowed in my own life.
Then that makes me stop and think, How in the world does He keep my life so organized!?! I may not always feel like everything is under control, but to stop and think how He perfectly orchestrated everything, every little detail (even the times I was not where I needed to be with Him) to prepare me. I think.......how does He remember to pay such attention to my life? I can't even keep track of my own life, I forget things or forget appointments, but God has the whole world to keep in check and He never makes a mistake, never forgets something. Never forgets to allow that trial in my life to help me grow...never forgets to send those blessings to remind us of His love.
I remember one night I was standing on the balcony behind Cathcart (The dining hall that backed up to Tampa Bay), and I was looking over at the lights in Tampa and I just started thinking about how many people were in Tampa. That area is so built up, and looking at all the lights that lined the bay I just remember it hitting me, how does God do it? I was up there thinking about how God had worked something out in my life, and it hit me......I get so amazed how He can do that for me, but He not only does that for me, He does that for everybody...... I get overwhelmed enough thinking about how He does it for me, and to think He has enough power to do that for everybody else.........wow. That is amazing. He brings us into each other's lives and sends us on our way, all for His purpose. I dont even know if this is making sense......if I am putting it into the right words. It's almost like you get the "full" feeling, for lack of a better description. Just like you can't handle thinking about it anymore, and you are left with such peace and contentment that you cant even describe it.
....and then I think WHY am I such an idiot!? This past week I have been struggling with even having the desire to serve the Lord. I keep thinking of all the things I want to go do that I know would not be right or pleasing to the Lord, and it's almost like I start to struggle with that "hardness of heart" and think who cares..... who cares about doing what's right and trying to serve the Lord. But when you stop to think of all I have just written.....why would we ever want to do our "own thing"? Isn't it clear God is so much smarter and more wise.... He knows the future! He knows what He has to do to prepare me for the next step in life.....why would I want to walk away from Him and try to do it on my own? What do I know?? And then it's a huge eye opener to realize, this is one of the times Satan would probably want to get me down the most. I'm trying to discern where God wants me to go to school......whether or not I should move or stay here? .......of course Satan would love to get me off track. Do I honestly want to give Satan the victory?!!? Beth Moore, the author of When Godly People Do Ungodly Things (you have GOT to read that book!) explained it like this, and it is a huge motivator/eye opener.
Think of the trials Job went through.....I'm sure it was tough for him to keep on keeping on. But Beth pointed out that Satan asked permission before he was able to test Job like that.....same is true about Peter, who denied Christ, but not after Satan asked God if he could test Peter. It's almost like we're in a game.....God and Satan are the coaches, and I'm on God's team. We should all be on God's team. Satan has challeneged God and said yea, I bet that player wont make the right play......put her under some stress and she'll fail the team. God has faith in us and allows us to be put in the game....to test our strength and to prove Satan wrong. dont you think job would have been so motivated if God had revealed to him while he was in the midst of his trials, that he was i n the middle of a huge warfare between God and Satan and God had "put him in the game" to win one for Christ? It's a priviledge to think God believes in us enough to put us in the game. Why would we want to let him down? I know that there are times we honestly dont want to let him down, but the opponent seems to intimidating that it is IMPOSSIBLE to win the play.... but I have to remember that God won't give me more than I can handle, and if He has called on me to make the play, He knows I can do it. I try so hard to remember, when I feel like giving up, I picture God calling me to the sidelines, giving me a pep talk, asking me why I am losing my drive to make the right play... It's like if we could see what was really going on in the spiritual realm, we'd have a much clearer perspective and it'd be a huge wake up call about getting serious about serving God... I used to wonder why God would allow Satan to test us when He already knows that we will mess up. But think about it.....isn't it true that when we make a mistake, we are so much more aware of that weakness and remember not to do it again? Think of Peter......I was thinking about this. Satan asked permission to sift Peter, and God said yes. I kept thinking......WHY? Why did God give him permission when He knew Peter would make the wrong choice. But look at what Peter learned. Look at what his mistake has taught us. Like when youre in a real game and you make a "stupid mistake" ... you learn from that and move on, more aware than ever that you dont want to let that happen again. Nothing is wasted in God's economy. All I know is, I want to make the play for Christ. Right now I feel pretty weary and I really want God to take me out of the game and put me on the sidelines for awhile.....but how is that going to help me grow.
Have you heard about the man God asked to push against the rock? God told this guy to go outside and push on this huge rock. So the man did, day after day.......this went on for months, but the rock never budged. The man was getting so irritated that God asked him to do something that was reaping no profit......the rock would not budge! Why wasn't God helping him? Why wasn't God moving the rock? Finally one day, the man asked God....... and God told him that He had never asked the man to MOVE the rock, just to PUSH on the rock. Then the man looked down and his arms and legs and saw the muscles that had formed through pushing on the rock.......they did not exist before this seemingly impossible task. I often wonder what rocks God has asked me to push and I gave up... I dont ever want to give up...
I know this has been a lot of thoughts that seem to jump around, but it's been on my heart and mind lately, and I think getting it out helps me clear my head.
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