Through His Eyes

I wonder what Christ thinks of our world today. In our world of technology and missed appointments, we are often in such a rush that we don't really see what's around us. How often have we rushed down the street and not looked around us and into the faces of those who pass by? I would venture to say many of them would look downtrodden and heavy with the weight of their world. There are so many people walking around feeling alone. Today there are more networking tools and gadgets and gizmos that are supposed to make us connected to the world...I think that, instead, they have isolated us and given us a false sense of knowing someone. You can go online and read all about a person and then pass by them in reality and hardly say 2 words to each other. I've learned that there are a lot of fake happy people out there. We put on a front to the world, display bright smiles and tell funny jokes to bring about laughter, but at the core of a lot of people there's pain and hurt, and a longing for someone to actually care. Truly care. To look beyond the facade and care what's there.

Why are we so afraid to have these types of relationships? Is it because we're scared of what people will think? What if the person you honked your horn at just had their husband leave them? What if the person next to you on the plane is headed home for a funeral?

I recognize that not everyone is an open book, nor are there always opportunities reach out to everyone you pass by .... but what if we determined to treat everyone as though they mattered and what they were feeling and thinking was important? That could even be as simple as holding the door and smiling into someone's eyes as you are on your way tomorrow. It could be picking up the coin the lady in front of you in the line at the grocery store dropped. It could be asking your coworker how they are and actually sticking around to hear the answer. I pray that we would have more compassion for others.... that was the mark of Christ. No matter where He was, He cared. When He was tired, discouraged, .... He reached out. The power of kindness can go a long way. You just never know what people are going through.

I think Brandon sums it up quite nicely:


Give Me Your Eyes

Looked down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Touched down on the cold black tile
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breath in the familiar shock
Of confusion and chaos
Are those people going somewhere?
Why have I never cared?

Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
Wasnt it far beyond my reach?
Give me your heart for the once forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see

Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide whats underneath
Theres a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
Too ashamed to tell his wife
Hes out of work
Hes buying time
Are those people going somewhere?
Why have I never cared?

Ive Been there a million times
A couple of million eyes
Just moving past me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong
Well I want a second glance
So give me a second chance
To see the way you see the people all alone

(Brandon Heath, Give Me Your Eyes)

Captured

Some meaningful words to hear this evening ...

I heard your echo in the canyon
upon the timberline
You said these mountains were your invention
And so was this heart of mine

I heard you whisper on the water,
there on the mighty sea
You spoke of love deep as the ocean
When You spoke of Your love for me

I am loved by the Father
I am loved by the Son
It is love that has captured
The heart of this wayward one

I heard your laughter in the sunrise,
amidst the morning birds
A song of freedom for all creation
And you sang me every word

I heard you singing in the silence,
a simple melody
Words of love,
O I can hear it......


My Father is very fond of me!


from the Chris Tomlin album The Noise We Make

chasing butterflies

Today has truly been a great day. I enjoyed doing some reading and writing in a cute little cafe downtown Greenville, and then I went next store to the pet store and played with two golden retrievers for awhile .... I just love dogs. After awhile, I ventured down to Falls Park to take some pictures. I truly enjoyed myself and got some great shots, but I walked away with a lesson. As I was walking down the path towards the stream, a bright orange butterfly fluttered around me. I immediately stopped and took out my camera to try to capture it's beauty, but it was moving too fast for me to get a picture. For the next 20 minutes, I did nothing but chase the butterfly, trying to get the perfect picture. I never did.... I left the park with lots of pictures of trees, flowers, leaves, other things....but not the butterfly. There was even one point where it flew right up to me and almost touched me and then it hovered there for what seemed like a few seconds, and then it flew off. I was so busy trying to get my camera out and turned on that I didn't really see it, even though it was right there.

As I left the park, I was thinking what a life lesson this taught me. You know, for 20 minutes I had what I consider one of life's prettiest creatures travel with me through the park. But the truth is that I was so distracted by trying to capture the moment, that I didn't sit still and simply enjoy it. I left without really having a good look at the butterfly because everytime it came near, I was trying to see it through the lens of my camera. It just makes me think about other situations in life. How often do I not see what God is showing me because I'm trying to look at life through my own lens? When have there been times that I've tried so hard to serve Him, that I forgot to sit still and really actually see Him, soak Him in?

I think there are some moments that are best enjoyed sitting still and remembered through the lens of your memory rather than the lens of your camera.

Missing Home

I have to say it. I miss Maryland. :( I have been so busy down here in SC that I hadn't really had time to process all the changes. Now my house is unpacked, I'm in the swing of work, and routine is setting in. Now that I have some down time, I'm realizing how much I miss Maryland and the life I had there. I had an awesome group of friends, a cute little house, a fantastic roommate, and endless choices of how to spend my evening living in such a populated area. I could go to DC on a whim, check out a great coffee shop in Annapolis, go out with friends on the water, head up to the lake in PA....endless. I am really going to miss it this fall...I LOVE the fall up north! It's so fun to hop in your car and go for a drive and happen upon a stand where you can buy pumpkins and fresh cider. Last year I went on a 5 hour trip to only end up back in my driveway :) I drove up to my old hometown in PA and drove and drove and drove on the back country roads, and just breathed in the fresh air and soaked in the beautiful scenery. I love being bundled up on a cool, crisp night and smelling the fall air. Of course, I miss the lake. There's a place at the lake that I always go when I have to make a big decision or just need to clear my head and think. I really miss that spot. I'm convinced there's no place quite as beautiful as my hometown in PA.

My friend Tammy came down to visit me this weekend, and we were talking about old times and what we used to do...it just really hit me that I have moved on. I just up and left the 3 hour radius that I have lived my whole life. I always thought it would be fun, and it is....there is something really great about starting new somewhere and getting to know an entirely new group of people in an entirely new setting and new pace of life. And as much as I'd like to say it's all pure adventure and new opportunities, there's a part of me that is grieving what I left behind. There's something to be said about hopping in your car and knowing that special place to drive when you're stressed out. It's great knowing which mechanic won't rip you off, and which neighborhood has the best Christmas lights display at Christmastime. It's fun being able to go to the little corner shop that you remember going to when you were a little kid or running into old friends at the store because you have always lived in the same general area.

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy in Greenville :) I don't yet feel like I'm at home yet, but that's not too surprising considering I've only been here six weeks. I have met some great new friends and gotten closer to friends that I have known for a long time but never lived near. If you consider that home is where your friends and family are (thus, where your heart is), than I am home. There is just a part of me that is missing the past ....I tried to ignore it for a little while because I thought that it would mean I wasn't grateful or appreciative, or embracing this wonderful time of change in my life. I think what I'm feeling is a normal human reaction to great change. I have changed jobs, churches, homes, states, left behind friends and family .... I think I just need to allow myself to be sad and get it over with.

I'm excited to see what God is going to do with me here in Greenville. I don't know if this is where He wants me for a year, 10 years, or a lifetime. But my comfort is found in knowing that God ordered my steps and brought me here, and because of that, I know great things are in store for my future. I recognize and accept that it will not always be easy, for in hard times it is often that we grow the most and learn to trust in God more. It is such a comfort to know that God is always there, no matter where we are. Maybe I should pray He will start directing me to new things that couldn't replace the old things, but enrich my life here and help me grow to love SC as much, if not more, than I did Maryland.

:) God is good.

dust speaking

Wow ....wow, wow, and wow. I am sitting here in my living room in Greenville, SC. The wow's were a result of thinking about typing that sentence. I can't believe I live here! It's amazing how quickly God moves. I remember the night I wrote that last blog entry like it was yesterday...I can still picture all my friends and I sitting on the leather couches talking about our lives and how we all were feeling yucky, and now here I am in Greenville and I've been here for the last 5 weeks. I'm amazed at how quickly I have come to feel like I am "home." Maybe it's because I have visited so often, maybe because some of my dearest loved ones are here, or maybe it's because I am finally living in the slower-paced atmosphere I have longed for for so long. Or maybe it's because I'm convinced I am right where God wants me :) I have no idea what His plans are for me here, or whether or not I will be here for a long time, but I have learned to take each moment for what it is and relish it, and live within the realization that my life is but a short vapor. I will have to write the story of how all this came to be, but right now something else is on my mind.

One reason I moved .....well, there really are just so many reasons, but just one of them is I knew I needed a change. I felt suffocated and stagnant in MD (spiritually speaking). I knew I needed a big change or I was going to get stuck in a rut ....I just didn't realize the change would be moving with a 10 day notice :) So, I decided to jump in right away upon arriving in Greenville. I started visiting North Hills, which I had attended before with my friend Stephen Sprunger .... I remember going there about 5 years ago wishing that I had a church like that where I lived, ....funny how it works out, huh? Anyways, I know habits form early, and I wanted to get involved in a Bible study right away. I happened upon one that is studying the concept of trusting God, and we are working rom a book written by Jerry Bridges. The topic of trusting God is big in my life right now, and I'm not sure that I know quite how to put it into words.

I think I'm in this moment of being in awe of God. I'm also in a moment of uncertainty...which is why this is hard to put into words. I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around God's love and grace towards me and that He has a plan, despite my own human self. One reason I like this book is that it integrates Scripture all throughout...which, in my opinion, is the way it should be. Well, my biggest struggle is to believe that God will bless us despite our sin...and even as I write it, I feel like I disagree with myself, but then I wrestle with grasping his justice. I know God blesses us despite our sin. In fact, all any of us deserve is eternity in hell, so even if we live the most difficult life here on earth, we are still blessed to have a way to Heaven (through Christ's shed blood on our behalf). So, of course God blesses us despite our sin. The reason for my struggle is that I feel like in the past 2 years or so, I have been unsure of what God wants for me, and it all started with my decision for grad school. It's a long story that I won't go into, but I just haven't been sure I'm where I'm supposed to be. Other people on the outside will tell me how it seems so obvious that God put me at UOP and that He was using me there (and maybe that was His plan all along), but I wasn't convinced of it. I feel like God used the circumstances I put my own self in for His own good, but my fear is that I missed out on what He REALLY wanted for me and now I can never make it right. Was I supposed to go to PA for grad school back in 06? Because I didn't, did I completely alter my entire future? Or was I actually in God's will all along? I just don't know.

It's not that I doubt that God CAN, it's that I doubt that He WILL. I constantly struggle with balancing God's grace and God's justice in my mind. If God is just, I deserve punishment for my mistakes/sin, but if God is gracious, I will be spared that. Like the prodigal son, ....he left home .....did lots of bad stuff....came home, and his family welcomed him back and even threw a party. But, he still lost his inheritance and had consequences for his actions. He was shown grace by being forgiven and welcomed back into fellowship, but justice by still having consequences. There are specific, certain areas in my life that I feel like I have failed and therefore, it's not that God CAN'T bless me, but I'm struggling to accept that He will still bless me. Although, I don't deserve any blessings anyways...do you see why I am up typing this out?!

I know I sound like I'm talking in a big circle. It was cool tonight though...I have been randomly testing out coffee shops all over Greenville trying to find one with the perfect chair for thinking, writing, and reading. I have yet to find that perfect chair, but tonight I tested out the corner chair in Spill the Beans with the nice comfy footrest. It was the best one so far. While there, I was filling out the workbook for our Bible study. While I was thinking all the above thoughts and reading Scripture, I was struggling to just let God love and bless me. I think I'm harder on myself than He is. It is always so cool when God puts a verse in your mind that you haven't thought about in awhile, and you know it's Him speaking to you in that moment. He made me think about Ps. 103:10-14:

"He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him. As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our traansgressions from us. Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him. For he knoweth our frame, he remembereth that we are dust."

The entire 103rd chapter is amazing, you should go read it. But this reminds me of when I taught high school. I always wanted the kids to know that regardless of what they did, I wanted what was best for them and once the discipline was over, it was OVER. No more brining it up again, it was to be as though it never happened. If I want that for my kids and I'm a human, I have to believe that God wants that for me, and even more. Just like the passages above, he remembers that I am dust and that I will make mistakes. To think that He would not bless us because we make mistakes just doesn't sound like his character. I think it's a lie Satan feeds us. Besides, when we can give testimony of God's grace towards us despite our own selves, it brings Him glory.

And you know what, even if I do have unfavorable consequences for my own choices, the freedom from Hell is more than I even deserve in the first place.